The Not-so-Fantastic Four

So, I attended the Sam Cowthorn session organized by CII, at CMC auditorium, Hyderabad last Thursday. It was pretty inspiring, mainly because as he had rightly put, it’s not very often that a one-armed Tasmanian-Indian comes all the way to Hyderabad to inspire you. One of the things he had mentioned during his talk that struck me, was about the company you keep. He said that you are the average of 5 people you hang out with.

That got me thinking about the people I meet, the clan I hang out with. Now, the majority of people I meet everyday are pretty nice. They smile, they compliment you, they hold doors for you and none of them bite. So, the average is pretty much taken care of. Although, I do agree that sometimes, the best of the best, like to indulge in one of the seven deadly sins & gossip away the day in vain. But that’s all right, as long as you feel good at the end of it.

But there are some, who suck sugar, spice and everything nice out of your day. I mean, if dementors were real, then they’d be the one’s teaching the dementors life-sucking skills.

So far I have encountered 4 of those kind….the not-so-fantastic 4 that you can rather do away with.

Number 4 – The Snickers Rekha types

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The snickers ad uses Rekha to signify how hunger can make some people … cranky. Like a heroine. Unfortunately, there are some people whose crankiness no bar can satiate…. At any hour, even on a bright sunny day. Do you like ice-cream? NO! Do you want a ride in a BMW? NO! Would you like a free trip to Paris? FUCK OFF, WILL YOU?! They have an expression that makes them appear as if they are suffering from chronic constipation.

While they don’t cause any permanent damage, it’s better to stay away than feeling as if you are the one stopping them from going to the loo.

Number 3 – The ‘They are looking’ types

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They believe that life should be lead to please everybody around you. Your hair is not proper, your shirt is losing color, you look funny while walking. I know all mothers eventually reach this stage, but you are born to genetically put up with that. Anybody apart from your mother, has absolutely no right to comment on the ice-cream dripping down your chin or the noises you make while sipping coffee or the baggy clothes you like to wear.

So, sweethearts, while you are busy making your life perfectly miserable…..spare the rest!

Number 2 – The EX

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The reason ‘Y’ comes after ‘X’ is because, whenever you think of your Ex, the first thing you think about is ‘Why?’ After screwing up your past, they have a strange way of wriggling like leeches in your present. Thank you, facebook! Thank you, common friends. Thank you, desperate-hi-whats-up-pings.

Now not everybody is as lucky as Deepika and Ranbir to be in good terms with their Ex, but for normal janta, every ex gets along with him/her a swirl of emotions which combined with a 2 ltr bottle of thumbsup or 1% of alcohol, can lead to swearing of the finest order. Although, it’s too much fun, but the next day you’d regret wasting an evening of your life over something worthless instead of investing the same time with the upgraded version life has rewarded you with!

Number 1 – The Arnab Goswami types

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The complainers, the whiners, the never-ever-ever types. I nevveeerrr get anything for free! Why do I alwaaaaaaaaaays end up in a bad relationship!  Why does this happen to me allllllllllllll the time?!?! The universe is alwaaaaaaaaays conspiring against me. Bitch please! STOP!

Here you are wondering… What a bright sunny day… WHAT THE FUCCKKK, ITS SOOOO HOT!! Doesn’t the rain make you happy? OMG, I GOT DRENCHED SO BAD! FUCK YOU WEATHER! Wow, she is so smart! BLOODY STUPID KNOW-IT-ALL BITCH! Oh, we got free chocolates!! FUCK, I WANTED TO LOSE WEIGHT!

STOP BITCH! STOP! STOP! STOOP! STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

While you can shield yourself from the rest using a Expello-Avoid-a charm, this kind requires a special kind of mastery. It’s called Turn-around-and-run-for-your-life.

So, if you find your average going down, perhaps you have any of the above, in your best 5 & you might wanna re-think your hang out list.

The best of the best, are the one’s who make you feel happy….who manage to find a silver lining in every dark cloud…who make you realize that life is like a big ride… with it’s highs and it’s lows….and even when you hit your low, there’s always something to be happy about!

So, here’s to all the positive people in my life who never let my average go down!

Jai Ho! (Yup, still promoting it!) 😉

Categorized: Gyaan!

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